Hie!
At last....I started something after all the golden words My Supervisor gave us...Yeap, it's "Us" because I've got a partner to walk this journey with me.... *grateful*
I may look tough, but, truth is, I'm not.... and the day My Partner (then, not My Partner yet) told Me our Supervisor told us to work together to come up with something, I was slightly surprised!
Then, I began to digest the feeling, and at first, I felt "harh? I've to give up My Kombucha and work something new with Ms Deep?....I don't want...."
Ended up, although a lot of uncertainties, to and fro, Ms Deep nearly abandoned Me and wanted to do Dry Lab, and I managed to get her back. =)
What I've learnt?
To get something you want, you need to make the move first! ...don't wait and wait and wait and hesitate, else, nothing will happen...nothing progress, nothing ventured, nothing gained. ^0^
And yes, our Supervisor finally made us work from scratch. Knowing I don't have a clue what research was about....to add, I don't really know how to read face expression, I was being kinda foolish. And everytime after a period of "Loud Golden Words" from My Supervisor, I went home, and started thinking....started digesting, what she was trying to tell Me....and I started to realize how pathetic I was in her eyes.
Putting Me in her shoes, her vision, her eyes.....I think, to have such a student, at such age, still not knowing what she(Me) wants, it's kind of a failure. Putting Me in her shoes, her vision, her eyes...and I saw how her (I) was an eye sore, and detrimental to health if I were to overwork Myself at the age I am. Even for Me, I would even have the thought, "Why do I have to teach her? She's(Me) not even worth My Teachings because she(Me) doesn't even know what she wants in life!" .....and to add, I was afraid of her. Trying to understand why I feared her, I felt like, I was afraid of Myself being an Empty Head facing someone whose Knowledge is as Vast as I could ever imagine! It's like telling how The Head Chef should cook when I'm just a Dish Boy.
And from the way My Supervisor tried to tell Me, how disappointed she was, I felt so bad for her.....but somehow, I believe it's fate. I was at lost. I was confused. I didn't know what I want. I didn't have a sense of direction in Life. And all the excuses I gave Myself, that I'll do better if I weren't in this field.....it's just excuses. If I can't do this here and now, what makes you (Me) think I can do better if I were in another field? ...I guess I've a serious attitude problem and a very bad self-discipline. Sometimes, I even think the person dying in the hospital was 100X useful compared to Me, healthy walking round yet doing nothing, while the one lying on the bed wishes SO MUCH to have a longer life because they have so much things yet to achieve!
And for this, I even feel like a dirt beside My Bro who's suffering from Ventricular Septal Defect cuz he told Me how he wanted to live longer, learn as much as he can, buy house, buy car, buy shoplot and rent it out to his fren-a chef become partners, and then go holiday..... you see the difference between My bro and I? And he tells Me he's scared he'll not be able to live that long. *aches* I wish I could just donate My Heart to him....at least I know My Heart will be going for a good cause.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's not talk about this, ...now, back to My Research. My Partner, Ms Deep, she's very interested and showed great interest in My Research more than I do~ Which makes Me feel even more useless than I already am. Why didn't I have self-confidence? Why did I have to care what people have to say and take them so seriously? Why?!!!
And one day, the other girl, Ms Gay, suddenly approached Ms Deep to tell her, us, that she wants to join our research because hers was rejected by our supervisor. I remember clearly, I did ask her, "How you know she rejected yours? Did she said so to you?" and Ms Gay replied, "I can't get My Acne bacteria and it'll take very long for IMR to give me the samples...and Dr asked me a lot of questions..I think I just join you guys la~" ....honestly, I was okay with it~ But My Partner, Ms Deep, wasn't....
After I reached home, I begin to digest again....
"The research I'm doing is actually a small research....which in fact, can be done solo, but I was weak....I needed a partner to strengthen me....how did Dr. notice this point of me? Was I too obvious?" ....Ms Gay didn't need to join us....she can just carry on her research but just alter her bacteria sample, that's all.... if she really wants to, she can do her Honey & Vit. E combination antimicrob and compare her results with ours, kombucha, to strengthen her thesis? She needn't necessary to join us...I think? O.O
So, Thursday last week, we 3 met up.....discussed about our research.
Ms Gay was a lot of help, she helped us clear our doubts. *tsk* imagine how pathetic I am even after having a partner?! =.=
But, all that was last week.... and this week, last Monday, we met our supervisor, and Ms Gay told Dr. her intentions to join us, and she had "The Words" from Dr. Everybody has a reason, but if it's reasonable enough, it depends.... and honestly, I was suppose to meet up with My Supervisor last week, but I didn't.... My Grandpa passed away, and I hadn't time to search for scientific articles.... I was guilty, and I tried to attend MD 2 when I've the free time~
Seriously, I have never did this, ever, in My Life! ....right after grandpa's prayers session, ended about 1.30pm, and My Family and I had lunch at 2.30pm, reached home 3.30pm, I was still hesitating to whether I should go for MD2's class at 4pm (I've already sms-ed Ms Anne I was gonna missed that day's class during to grandpa's funeral procession....), somehow I felt I need to go eventhough My Body was crying-tired. I didn't think I would have did that if I was the "me" a year ago~
Something changed? ....I was brought out from the small box, and placed out in the desert....trying to survive.....
Sorry, I deviated from what I was suppose to say.....so, my research required "Mother" culture of SCOBY (Symbiotic Culture of Bacteria & Yeast) to ferment sugar, reducing sucrose to fructose and glucose, while "by product" acetic acid is being produced which have bactericidal effects! Along with the Tea I'm gonna use, Pu Erh tea, a fermented Black Tea, which contains components Polyphenols, Catechins, tannins etc which also kills bacteria but in a min. degree will be strengthen with the presence of the lemongrass I'm about to add in my kombucha! ^0^ Lemongrass is long known to have antibacterial effects due to active ingredients such as citral, geranial, mycrene, linalool etc.....all of the components disrupts cell membrane of the bacteria, DNA/RNA synthesis, and cytoplasm composition lead to "cell death"~
Honestly, the more I read those scientific articles, which our supervisor made us read them, the more I understand what I was doing....at least, a lil more than Day 1....(I remember using the term "enzyme" for the thing called "kombucha"~ can you imagine how badly I should have screwed during RP1?! *guilty-shamed-regret* )
I still got "The Golden Words" session from her...weekly, but I think it's okay. At least I can see Myself moving somewhere....although I'm not one of the bright student of hers, but I can see Myself moving forward! Not to mention, Ms Deep was pushing Me forward too! ^0^
There were a lot of obstacles I had to go thru....finding kombucha was a TOTAL HEADACHE! Because, it's not something licensed and easily available in the market and it can be made at home itself! ....somehow, I tried asking Mr Yusuf, our lab coordinator, to get the materials I needed, including kombucha's "mother" culture...and he gave Me Mr John's contact number and asked Me to contact him straight for further details~ LOL! ....I was worried, and I still am..... "What am I gonna do if kombucha is the only thing I can't get?" Then, I would've been forced to abandon My Research.....and start from scratch again.... will I survive? (I think will have to, if that's what happened to Me.......) will I grad along with others of My Batch?
Truthfully, I will understand if I weren't an "A" student for My Supervisor, for Myself....I know My Standard, but nevertheless, I will try to make things work for Me, somehow.....at least, even if I were to get a "C", I know that's truly how much My Effort worth....but it's not fair compared to those who worked "lightly" and got an "A" when I worked the same amount of energy as them! (...I guess I will never know how they actually did in their research also....I shan't complain... it's always My Fault to begin with) Nothing happens for nothing. Everything happens for a reason.... I should've expected such endings to Me....
And time to time, I keep thinking about Dr's "Golden Words", a suggestion to pursue a Master in Business Adminstration~ It sounds reasonable since I didn't have enough interest to be a Researcher~ But I also had My Plans to travel out from Malaysia and see the world, write blogs about the people I will meet everyday, and help them out if I can. I even thought of joining "Doctors without Borders"...I wouldn't mind if My Job was something miscellaneous because I know, I will learn something from watching how others work. I admit, I'ma slow learner. My 3rd option was to go take up Nursing after this course! ...I want to stay in the hospital....somehow, I don't know why, but I like being in the hospital~ O.o, I'm crazy?
I guess, that's all I've to say about this....
On the Left: This is the thing, kombucha, from scratch! .....a recipe given to Me by Mr John, the uni's supplier~
On the Right: My Younger Bro's "garbage enzyme" project, which I was suppose to embark, if it not were for Me and My Hesitation and it's fermentation period of 3months! ...I had to abandon it.
I wonder if Dr. will let Me test antimicrob for the "garbage enzyme" My Bro made???
...I suddenly have the urge to test it~ =S
p/s: ..the pressure of being the one who's doing science field among My Cousins....most of them are in Business & Accounting field...non-science field. I escaped from being a "peer pressure" in the category of Non-science path, but it's not an easy road being in Science path.... unlike Ms Xue Er...who has cousins, elder cousins, working as doctors....2-4 of them~
