...when can I truly be happy?

I can't sleep.

I'm worrying about something.

I know. I tell you I don't care if I don't hit "high notes" in future, but the problem now is that I can't even start to "voice out".

I need a kick start. I need something.

Every night, I keep the list of things running through My Head.

From what I see, I can't see any mistakes. But, I know I need a proof reading.

Some one of authority and experience to tell Me it's good to go...sincerely tell me so.

I've got her half-hearted signature. I, now, need to get approval from H.O.D.

Not knowing how to, so I asked a friend of mine who's already embark on her journey.

....and she told Me her supervisor got it for her.

Dear you, I'm feeling so lost.

Why do I have to do all this by Myself, and with only Myself to tell Myself, "yeah, you're on the right track. Do it."

Funnily, I can Myself....but, I'm not doing what Myself is asking Me to do.

Fact is, I don't even trust My Abilities in doing something so new to Me....So, what do you expect My "Conscious" Self to decide on?

Dear you, I'm always lacking.

Lacking of this, lacking of that.

No matter how hard I try to show, to withstand, but truth is, You and I know very well, what I'm made of.

Telling Myself I'm not made for this.....is depressing.

I'm already half way there and still I'm feeling lost.

Why is this happening to Me?

Looking at Myself, I can only tell Myself to hang in there.

But we all know, there is no ending to this.

Why am I the one who's always being ignored by the ones I need recognition most?

why?

...why?

......why?

.........why?

I just wish I can leave everything now and take My "early" leave.

It's not that I choose the easy way out, but I'm tired of doing this all by Myself....without guidance.

My reason for choosing her: I needed someone to make Me work/get working.

Her Actions: If I don't lend a hand, you'll HAVE TO Work it out yourself = you're working out, just as you wished for.

Feedback: I hate it this way.